in the days following

Many people have asked the question...How are you doing?  I truthfully don't even know how to fully answer that question.  I feel like it would take too long to actually break it down for people how we're really doing.  I don't mind answering, but I never feel like I've said enough.  It sort of comes out as all or nothing.  So I decided to try and figure it out this way in hopes that you'll see how our family is handling all that's happened.

We are taking things day by day, which I'm pretty sure is how we've tried to do everything when it came to Molly.  There are days when we are great and can talk about the joy she brought to us, and even the hard times we dealt with.  Then, of course there are days when we (or I) have a more difficult time dealing with that empty feeling that loss can't help but carry with it.  I have broken down at the most random times, because of something someone said or a picture that came to mind.  It's nobody's fault, because I absolutely love talking about her and hearing others talk about her.  It's just one of those things that you never really understand, and it will come at a time when you're least expecting it.  I've had a hard time putting together the blog of the service just because it's so much.  I was reading all the notes the nurses wrote about her, and it breaks my heart because they truly do have the most accurate words to describe who Molly was.  I was trying to download some of the slideshows and that was also more than I could handle at one point.  I just miss her.  We all just miss her.  I have been amazed at how many people were affected by the life of Molly Ann Hovis, and it has made me so incredibly proud.  

Brad and I talk about her often, and about how widespread the story of her life goes.  It's such a bittersweet thing for us.  Nobody can ever prepare you for the pain that comes with the loss of a child.  We always knew it was a possibility, and from the beginning didn't know if we'd get any time at all with her.  I guess that's where the sweet part of it comes in...we got that time with her.  We were able to spend 85 days loving on her, and we feel so incredibly blessed to have had that.  Even though it hurts because she's not here, it's a wonderful thing that God has done to give us as much peace as we've had.  Through our entire journey with her, that's how it was.  I never doubted that God was doing what was right by our family or Molly.  I continue to think that.  He took her because it was right for Molly.  I don't think many people actually got to see the things she had to go through, but it was difficult as a mom to watch her baby have to suffer through.  She did it well though...another reason I was so proud of her.

So, we continue to grieve, but it has come with different faces.  There are days when it's a sad or painful memory, and there are days when it's a happy laugh out loud memory.  It all hurts, but in different ways.  Owen has truly been the most amazing thing God gave us to get us through this.  He makes me happy all over, and I truly can't love on him or kiss him enough.  He is going to have to get used to his mommy being in his face for a while, because he has been so good for my spirits.  Brad has always been strong.  From the day we found out about Molly's disease, he held on to the trust in God he's always had.  It's one of the reasons I was able to make it through this okay.  

I will just say one more thing...if you don't know about the the kind of peace I talk about, then I pray for you even as I write this that you know it one day.  It can ONLY come from God, because he truly is the One who has brought us through all of this.  I would be more than happy to talk to you about where you can get it, because it's a supernatural God thing and I continue to get up every day with joy in my life because of it.  All that said, just to tell you that we're okay.  We're making it, and we're so so grateful for your prayers throughout.  God has heard your cries for our family, and has responded in a way that has made it okay for us to live our lives with the sweet memory of our precious Molly.  I promise to get the service blog up as soon as I can.  Keep checking back.  Love you all.