11.03.2008

goodbye baby

I have no words that can fully explain the depth of my sorrow. I will do my best, but I truly have no desire to write about the death of my little girl. She went into surgery last night and never made it out. I can honestly say that I was not expecting this outcome. Call me naive, call me whatever you want but I thought this was her shot at having a full and healthy life. From the beginning God had different plans for my precious Molly, and I know that He did not take her away in order to hurt me. He is faithful and he has been so gracious to us. We were able to have almost 3 months with her, when there were people who told us we would get no time at all. Although her days were numbered and few, I have to realize that so are mine. This is not home for us, and I am continually reminding myself that Molly is home. She is with a daddy who has given her a brand new body. There are no more tubes and no more surgeries in heaven, just the healing hands of our loving Savior.
We had a perfect day with her yesterday before she left us, and I have no one to thank but God for that time. We thought she would be rushed into surgery as soon as we got there, and he granted us 5-6 hours alone with her. I will never forget those moments I had snuggling with her, kissing her precious face, talking with her, and watching her watch me. She had just recently started making noises and smiling, and I am so blessed to have heard that sweet sweet sound and to see those tiny lips curl up at her mommy. I weep as I write this because my heart has been broken. I have lost a piece of myself with the loss of my baby. I have never felt pain like I feel right now, and I know that the peace of God is the only thing that can ever make it go away. Little Miss Molly was a gift straight from the hands of our Maker, and while she was here she turned my life upside down. I would have done anything it took to get her home and to see her get well. I was ready, but instead God took her pain away and made it so that she didn't have to just survive. She gets to LIVE and to DANCE and BE FREE of the cords that entangled her here. I always thought she looked like my PaPa, and today I imagine him holding her in his arms and stealing all her smiles and sounds. I miss her and don't exactly know what to do without her. I am praising God for the blessing she was not only to me and our family, but to people who didn't even know her. That's amazing to me. We will move forward but not without the wonderful memories of our baby Molly. I cry because this sweet girl is no longer with me, and at the same time rejoice because who better for her to be with than Jesus! Brad has been such a great husband and rock to lean on. He is helping me to see just how much grace we were given. Owen is refreshing and has been able to make me smile in the midst of all my tears. My parents and Brad's parents have been such a support and have truly been an example of what sacrificial love is. We also have some pretty incredible family and friends who have done nothing but serve as an encouragement to us throughout the entire span of Molly's life and now through her death. We are extremely blessed. My little girl was a miracle.

Thank you so much for your prayers. We love and appreciate you all. We will be celebrating her life on Friday at 4:00pm. It will be held at the Tivoli downtown in the room - Turnhalle. Anybody is welcome to come. I would love to hear how she touched your life. We've also had many people as how they can help and the Colorado Baptist General Convention has set up a fund for Molly to help offset medical bills and funeral expenses. If that's something that you feel led to do, then you can donate through mail or online. The address for the CBGC is 7393 South Alton Way Centennial, CO 80112-2302 Phone: 303-771-2480 or go to http://www.saturatecolorado.com/ and the e-give button is at the bottom right hand side of the page. If this isn't something you feel led to do, then please know that we are so incredibly grateful for your prayer support.

23 comments:

Kersta said...

Brad, Haley and Owen,

I am so very sorry. My heart aches for you all and I continue to lift you up in prayer.

Molly was a blessing to so many.

Nancy said...

Haley and Brad,
I have been unable to get you out of my head since I saw you and talked with you on Saturday. Your story is an amazing one, and you tell it so beautifully, Haley. Our family stands with you in complete agreement that Molly's dance is perfected and even more elegant now in the awesome presence of the one who made her. I didn't get to meet Molly, but she has definitely touched my life. Love, Nancy Hardy

Joseph said...

Brad & Haley,

We just got your email. Our hearts grieve with you! We don't have words to say how filled with sorrow we are for your loss of Molly, but how filled with joy we are at your clinging to Christ in all this.

Praying that your faith would be strengthened, that your hearts would be comforted by the Spirit, and that the Lord would be with you both in a deep and sustaining way.

We love you.
Joseph & Blythe

Emily Kaye said...

Brad and Haley,

You are loved greatly and I will be praying for you and your extended family as you deal with the loss of your child. God has used Molly's life and will continue to use your lives to glorify HIM. Thank you for the witness you are in your faithfulness to HIM. You are in my prayers.

Love,
Emily Graham

Baby Leino said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Haley, Brad and Owen,
Your faith is an encouragement to those whose hearts are broken with yours. I hope we can encourage you, though your strength will come through Him who holds your Molly now and for eternity. I am so glad that you know that and you are so much aware of His presence in your lives right now and for eternity.

Kristen said...

Thank you. Well said.
Its amazing how short someone's stay here on earth yes and how much they touch so many people's hearts.
Laters
Kristen

obsessiveskier said...

Haley, Brad and Owen,

Thank you Haley for writing this post. I am crying with you now that I have read it. All that you said about God is right and true, and I am both weeping and rejoicing with you. "always sorrowful, yet rejoicing"

Brad, I hope to make it to the funeral service on Friday, but don't know if I will be able to make it. I am praying for you and for your marriage and family and for your church.

Owen, my prayer for you is that you may grow to trust God in faithfulness to Jesus through all the ups and downs of life.

Yours in Christ,

Scott

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your loss. The whole family is praying for you guys. Molly is home now though and she is happier than we can imagine.

Phill Lytle

Baby Leino said...

Brad & Haley::

We learned of your journey with Molly just this morning & are grieving your loss. Though she is now whole in the arms of Jesus, we're so sorry her healing had to come at your loss. Knowing the pain of losing a child, we'll be praying specific prayers for your family in the days & months ahead. While words cannot take away the profound pain you feel, we hope they let you know that you are loved & being covered in fervent prayer at this time.

May God's comfort envelope you in this time. Again, we are deeply sorry.

Jordan & Patience Leino (from YQ)

MilePost13 said...

I'm very sorry. Patience sent me your way just now, and I'll be praying with you, especially this week.

Anonymous said...

My heart breaks for you! You are in our thoughts and prayers.

Carl & Lesli

Jay and Jackie Parks said...

Brad and Haley,

We are so so sorry to hear about your loss. Please know that our hearts break for you and we are in constant prayer that the Lord will give you His overwhelming peace.

Jay and Jackie Parks

The Gothards said...

We are friends of Chad & Shantelle's and have followed your story from the inital diagnosis. My heart just aches for your family, but we know that God has a purpose for this and what seems overwhelming right now, God will use. Because of your faith and knowing that the Lord has a purpose in this, you will both help so many other families in the future who may not know our savior.
May God give you strength.
Mat & Heather Gothard

Angela said...

Brad, Haley and Owen,
Roger, Pat and family,
We cry with you over the loss of Molly, but we too, know that she is with Jesus and is doing much better than all of us, and right now I am sure that Molly is surrounded by family, that has already gone on to heaven, and they are having the best time right now, probably arguing on who gets to hold her next, or talking about who she looks the most like! We love you and wish we could be there with you and help you through this time. You are in our thoughts and prayers.
Love you,
Angela, Anthony, Andrew, Ashley, and Austin

Barb in Texas said...

My son (34) has had 2 liver transplants and because he had/has so many complications, he may be facing another transplant. We almost lost him 3 times. We too flew to Omaha, but for a second opinion. I found my way to your blog from another and have been praying for your Molly. I am so sorry for your loss, I wish there was something I could say to ease your pain. Please know, many people you've never met are praying for Molly and your family, we won't ever forget her sweet face and smile.

courtney; me, life, romania said...

Oh Jesus! He is good - but his way are not understandable. Even in this painful part of life, the testimony to the Lord and who he is and your love and trust in him is incredible! You are a strong lady Haley! Thanks for sharing your heart and a bit of your family and life. Thanks for sharing the life of your baby girl! May blessings, peace and love surround you and may the God of comfort be ever so near. My heart, it hurts for you all. I will continue to hold you all up before the the One above. Let his arms hold you up during this time. You all are loved!
Courtney

Adam and Nat said...

Brad and Haley,
Know that Nat and I are praying for you and your family during this time. Your perspective is a blessing and an encouragement to all of us. We pray for God's peace that passes all understanding for you all.

Adam and Natalie Renstrom

Amy said...

I met you at the A29 retreat in Vail this year...I remembered your glowing smile! I am so sorry for the loss of Molly. She is so precious! My heart hurts for you and your family and will continue lifting you up in prayer.

Kim said...

Brad, Haley and Owen!

I just read the blog and I am SO SORRY for your loss. I cry for you all now, but rejoice that Molly is in a far more beautiful place.

In the days ahead, may you feel God's love.

Jennifer said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. We also lost our daughter at 10 months old. I know the pain you are going through. Praying for you and please let me know if I can do more.

joe erin and molly winkels said...

Brad and Haley,
Haley, I do not know you, but I do know Brad, as we hung out a couple of times through same friends (Sarah Steffens and Melissa Brennan). Sarah told me the news to keep you both in our prayers, and I just wanted you to know that we are doing just that.

Erin (sperling) winkels

Vin Thomas said...

I don't know you, but your incredible story of faith and your beautiful angel has touched my heart. I pray that your story can open doors for God's glory to shine into the lives of others. I am confident as you are that she is in the arms of her Father right now. Thank you for sharing your story.