goodbye baby

I have no words that can fully explain the depth of my sorrow. I will do my best, but I truly have no desire to write about the death of my little girl. She went into surgery last night and never made it out. I can honestly say that I was not expecting this outcome. Call me naive, call me whatever you want but I thought this was her shot at having a full and healthy life. From the beginning God had different plans for my precious Molly, and I know that He did not take her away in order to hurt me. He is faithful and he has been so gracious to us. We were able to have almost 3 months with her, when there were people who told us we would get no time at all. Although her days were numbered and few, I have to realize that so are mine. This is not home for us, and I am continually reminding myself that Molly is home. She is with a daddy who has given her a brand new body. There are no more tubes and no more surgeries in heaven, just the healing hands of our loving Savior.
We had a perfect day with her yesterday before she left us, and I have no one to thank but God for that time. We thought she would be rushed into surgery as soon as we got there, and he granted us 5-6 hours alone with her. I will never forget those moments I had snuggling with her, kissing her precious face, talking with her, and watching her watch me. She had just recently started making noises and smiling, and I am so blessed to have heard that sweet sweet sound and to see those tiny lips curl up at her mommy. I weep as I write this because my heart has been broken. I have lost a piece of myself with the loss of my baby. I have never felt pain like I feel right now, and I know that the peace of God is the only thing that can ever make it go away. Little Miss Molly was a gift straight from the hands of our Maker, and while she was here she turned my life upside down. I would have done anything it took to get her home and to see her get well. I was ready, but instead God took her pain away and made it so that she didn't have to just survive. She gets to LIVE and to DANCE and BE FREE of the cords that entangled her here. I always thought she looked like my PaPa, and today I imagine him holding her in his arms and stealing all her smiles and sounds. I miss her and don't exactly know what to do without her. I am praising God for the blessing she was not only to me and our family, but to people who didn't even know her. That's amazing to me. We will move forward but not without the wonderful memories of our baby Molly. I cry because this sweet girl is no longer with me, and at the same time rejoice because who better for her to be with than Jesus! Brad has been such a great husband and rock to lean on. He is helping me to see just how much grace we were given. Owen is refreshing and has been able to make me smile in the midst of all my tears. My parents and Brad's parents have been such a support and have truly been an example of what sacrificial love is. We also have some pretty incredible family and friends who have done nothing but serve as an encouragement to us throughout the entire span of Molly's life and now through her death. We are extremely blessed. My little girl was a miracle.

Thank you so much for your prayers. We love and appreciate you all. We will be celebrating her life on Friday at 4:00pm. It will be held at the Tivoli downtown in the room - Turnhalle. Anybody is welcome to come. I would love to hear how she touched your life. We've also had many people as how they can help and the Colorado Baptist General Convention has set up a fund for Molly to help offset medical bills and funeral expenses. If that's something that you feel led to do, then you can donate through mail or online. The address for the CBGC is 7393 South Alton Way Centennial, CO 80112-2302 Phone: 303-771-2480 or go to http://www.saturatecolorado.com/ and the e-give button is at the bottom right hand side of the page. If this isn't something you feel led to do, then please know that we are so incredibly grateful for your prayer support.